Chronic Pain

Pain is something I deal with on a daily basis. Pain is something I think I have built up a tolerance to. Not by choice but just by stamina. Why do I have pain? I often wonder. I was perfectly healthy until I was in my early thirties. I used to donate blood regularly at the blood bank. Then one day the strangest thing happened. The blood bank called me and said my blood was testing as having syphilis. I'm thinking syphilis? Well I guess they then run the blood again and it comes back as a false positive. This happened several times and eventually they sent me a letter asking me to not donate blood anymore and to see about visiting a doctor to investigate my issue.

I went to the doctor and I guess I developed some anti-bodies on my blood which now made me no longer eligible to donate. My doctor said other than being low iron I was perfectly fine and he said sometimes these things just happen. I was like okay.

A few years later my symptoms started to evolve. First a case of Pleurisy shortly after my first child was born. Excruciating pain in my lung that required steroids. I again asked why this happened. Again my doctor said sometimes people just get this.

Since the pleurisy I have never been the same. My torso aches all the time. The only way to describe it is a feeling of being squished by a truck. Constant pressure on my torso from front and back.  Along with this constant pressure I experience fatigue and acid reflux.

Shorlty after my second child was born I developed this strange red spot on my head. It looked like ringworm. I went to the doctor and they ended up doing a biopsy. It came back Discoid Lupus. The skin version of Lupus. Discoid Lupus causes scar tissue and bald spots from the lesions. I now have to be careful about sun exposure as the sun is what causes the lesions.

Then after my third child was born my ANA test which is a Lupus specific test finally turned positive. I am however still not diagnosed as having Lupus. My official diagnosis is Mixed Connective Tissue Disease for now. Although my symptoms tend to be more on the Lupus side.

So for twelve years I have been dealing with these autoimmune issues. My body for some reason is attacking itself. I take medications to help alleviate some of my symptoms and I try to pace my life with adequate rest and listen to my body. I've come to live with my pain as it fluctuates daily and throughout the day. I always remind myself it could be worse. I could be terminal. I could be so debilitated that I could not function. I try not to wallow in my pain and have actually gotten used to it. This is my new normal. I pray it doesn't get much worse. It's been a slow progression and I'm still not sure what I am battling with sometimes since I am kind of an anomaly. I'm thankful for my doctor who works with me and let's me get any tests I may think I need. 

Why am I writing this today? Probably because I am in a lot of pain. People in pain look like everyone else. Their pain is usually not visible which makes it harder for outsiders to understand. Invisible illnesses are probably the hardest to have.