Why?

Today I found out that the pastor of my church & his wife's son died. It saddens my heart on so many levels. First because I am good friends with the wife. She's been like a big sister to me the past 10 years. Romans 12:15 says to "rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn." I have always taken this scripture to heart because I believe we are to stand side beside our fellow brothers/sisters in good times and in bad. Today I am mourning alongside my friend as she tries to come to grip with this devastating loss to her family. I cannot even fathom the range of emotions one must feel when losing a child. It's just not the way life is supposed to happen. The grey haired are not supposed to bury the black haired young. As a mother I cannot imagine a deeper pain than that of losing your child. I think it's every mother's worst nightmare. How do you ever move on from such an occurrence? How do you ever really feel normal again? I guess you don't because everything is forever changed and you are forever changed.

Yes bad things happen. They happen all the time. No one wants tragedy happen to them. If given the choice we'd all rather die later rather than sooner, but it just doesn't always work that way. We are not promised a tomorrow. Rejoice in today. Today is the present. Live fully in the moments you have.  Will you be angry for the time you feel robbed of or will you be thankful for the time you were given? I hope I would be thankful. Distraught but extremely thankful.

Hats & More Hats

I've recently taken up a new hobby in the last 6 months. I've fallen in love with millinery. I've always loved hats but now I LOVE hats! It's funny how you can suddenly be turned on to a new skill and become so completely immersed in it rather quickly. I've been taking classes and seeking more classes. The more I learn the more I find myself wanting to learn. I love researching well known milliners like Philip Treacy or Stephen Jones and perusing hat supply websites. There are so many different styles of hats. I've made wool, straw, fascinators & buckram hats. I find it to be such a fun & creative process. I have a greater appreciation for hats when I see one that obviously took a lot of time to construct. I also find myself scoffing at hats that look quite simple and yet the price tag says something different.

What do I plan to do with my new hat making skills? Good question. Right now I'm simply enjoying the process of creating. I feel I am returning to my original degree of Theatre Arts Costuming. Only time will tell where this journey will lead me. It's never too late to learn a new skill and pursue a new passion.

Vow Renewal

Last month my husband & I celebrated our 10 year anniversary. A milestone most definitely but is it considered a BIG milestone? no. Most people wait until the hit the 20 year mark to do any serious celebratory actions. If you asked me two years ago what our plans were for our 10 year I would of told you without a bit of hesitation that we were going to the Galapagos Islands. A place I have always wanted to go and felt our anniversary would be the time. Then something happened. My good friend got married and he was married by the worship pastor at my church. He was so personable, funny and made me wish he had married us for our wedding. In that very moment the Galapagos Islands went out the door and the new plan was to renew our vows. Yes we or rather I decided we should renew our vows and have a reception afterwards. Just a small mini wedding. My husband of course thought I was a little crazy but being the great hubby that he is decided to go along with my plan.

We had two years to save and two years for me to plan. We decided on a Friday evening the day after our actual anniversary. We were married on 02-02-02. We renewed our vows at the little chapel on the campus of the university we both received our bachelor's & master's degrees from. We had our 3 children as our attendants and invited just close friends and family. One of my band mates owns a vintage car and was kind to be our driver for the night.
We dined. We danced. We ate cake. We celebrated. We were thankful.

Would I do it all again? In a heartbeat most definitely yes. Since our wedding 10 years ago fifteen of the people who attended our wedding have died. I'm sure when we celebrate our 20 year there will be  more added to that list. Life is so short and we rejoice in each day we are given. We will forever have the memories of our wedding and now of our 10 year vow renewal. Galapagos will always be there. The people who were there celebrating with us last month will not. My husband even agreed it was the better choice.

From Stranger to Friend- Fawn

In April of 2011 I  read a story in the newspaper about a woman who was 35 years old that stage IV lung cancer.  I was immediately moved by the circumstances of this woman. She was a mom just like me who also had 3 young children. My heart was drawn to her story and I started following her blog. I would read and comment and offer my help if she needed it. I didn't expect her to ever take me up on my offer because I was a complete stranger and I assumed she had help from friends/family/co-workers as many often do when dealing with a cancer diagnosis.

In October Fawn emailed me and asked me to go with her to her chemo appointments. I was completely surprised by her email and her request but I knew I had to go.  She was reaching out to me and how could I refuse? I have rearranged my schedule to be there as many times as possible on her chemo days. I have gotten to know Fawn and have been listening to her fears, her hopes, her challenges and to my surprise the lack of support she is receiving from anyone. It truly breaks my heart.

I felt compelled to help her so I hosted a spaghetti fundraiser at my cousin's restaurant "Lunch with Tony" in Alviso to try and raise funds for her. I had some generous friends who donated some great raffle prizes but I  had trouble getting people to buy tickets for the lunch. I told Fawn this and her response was " Lots of people have cancer why should anyone care about me?". People did care and people showed up. People she did know but were there to support my efforts. It was truly touching to see the support.

That article connected two mothers each with 3 children who otherwise would never of met. Two people who surprisingly also share the same birthday. I never thought an article written about someone who is facing a terminal illness would inspire me to reach out. I am so thankful I did.

Fawn has become a dear friend to me in these few months that I have gotten to know her. It saddens me that she has to deal with this diagnosis and that she will not live to see her children beyond their elementary years. She said this could happen to any of us and it's so true. We never know what life is going to throw at us. We have no guarantees of a long life. Another reminder to embrace each day and live fully in the moment. It all can change in an instant. I pray Fawn is able to prolong the progression of her cancer. She knows her fate and has accepted the inevitable. Can we all say the same?

If you would like to contribute to her fund. Go to   http://www.gofundme.com/fawnlee